And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
People in love make me want to vomit
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
