Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
