you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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