I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
