I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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