I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
