I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Jerry, you need to find god
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
