Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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