Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
