You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
