tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
