Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
