I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
