watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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