how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
