I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
