Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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