i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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