Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
