so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
