I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
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