so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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