This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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