I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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