The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
