Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
