Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
