But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
