I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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