He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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