Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Houston, we have a blender
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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