WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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