and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
where are my eyebrows?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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