he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
