hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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