Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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