oh god the rape fog is back!
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
