i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
