Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
