After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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