I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My boob is missing a layer of skin
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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