i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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