this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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