my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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