She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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