I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
