I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He felt like a one man threesome
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
