I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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