Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
