i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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