You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
