1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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