I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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